some reflections

Hello~
today I'm going to share some of my latest reflections and thoughts.

So, first...
I want to finish my school already. I don't even care if my results will be great or not. I just want to get rid of school finally.... I think studying is not for me... I'm always tired of it and I hate at least 50% of my classes. I hate learning things which are totally not interesting to me (and what's more, I can't really memorise them >< which is even worse ;-; ) and I hate term exams. I also hate the fact my parents have to pay a lot for that stupid school.
So, I want to go to work!
but..
I'm afraid of a few things actually..
1. my friend's business won't work out and I won't get a job at her future-nail art place...
2. I won't be good at this job (;_;)'
3. I won't earn as much as I wish to... *sighs*

I so wish my parents lived with me in Warsaw, life would me much easier and cheaper (I wouldn't have to rent a room = savings )..
I want to have money for my own flat (hahahaha, DREAM! =_= ), all the taxes, life (food etc. ) and of course my own damn pleasures.
what's more, lately I feel so fucking lonely! I guess I will never find a boyfriend because of my stupid "ideal romance & love foreverrrrr" thinking >_<' you have no idea how I envy girls who have perfect Asian boyfriends. I know my chances would've raised IF I changed myself. take off my piercings, hide/erase my tattoos, do hair extentions and change it's colour and just start being more girly. but what would that give me actually? I'm not a person who can lie forever and create a fake image of myself just to be loved/liked by people. I think people who do that aren't happy. how can you be happy if your friends/lover LOVE the image you've created and not just... you? I know such things often include some changes but you know what I mean, right?
but on the other hand I'm afraid I will never find that "ASIAN perfect love of my life" blah blah blah (-_-)'

life sucks.
does it look better in other countries..?