I was going to write about something different but...
in this situation I can't think of anything else but Dir en grey. a HUGE part of my life. THE BEST part of my life... 10 wonderful years... and I need more.
Dir en grey is on hiatus because of Kyo's throat condition. and I thought this day can't be worse. now I feel like crying, I'm just bleeding inside.
you can think I'm just another "crazy fan" or a stupid histerical girl being in love with "just a band". if you think so, stop reading then.
Dir en grey created me the way I am now. I started listening to them when I was 12 and I ąm turning 22 soon. and every year I love them more and more. I love the way DEG has changed during those years. how they've become more mature with their music and lyrics... and how they seem to be still the same guys inside.
thanks to them, I'm still here...
when I was 13 my life was such a shit, the only thing I was thinking about was just cutting myself and I was waiting for a good occassion to commit a suicide (sounds so emo, I know). I don't know what kind of magic Dir en grey's music had then (AND STILL HAS!) but it gave so much power to live. To tell myself "NO! stop whining you little bitch and just move your ass! DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE, YOU HAVE DREAMS TO COME TRUE!" . I remember when I was reading some interview when Kaoru (if I remember well) said that at first when they weren't a well known band he said that one day they will become famous and they will have a great concerts even outside of Japan. When I was 12 I was dreaming that maybe one day I will get to see them live somewhere. maybe EVEN in Europe. and then they started coming to Europe.... so I thought "maybe I will go to Germany one day to see them live". and in 2007 I couldn't believe in it but... they came to my country - to Poland. I cried out of happiness. I so needed to see people who saved my life! luckily, my parents knew how important it was to me and let me go. it was a miracle to me. the best day of my life. nothing better has never happened to me before. when they started playing "the final" (which is my favourite song) I started crying (I ALWAYS cry when Kyo starts to sing "so I can't live...")... I was standing in front of Kaoru and he saw that. well, he for sure thought how piteous/histerical I am and he smiled (out of mercy for sure lol) at me. I couldn't sleep or eat for 3 days before and 2 days after the show. in 2009 they came to Poland again. and I went to see them again. another miracle... another wonderful memory... same with 2011. because there were so many people who were trying to just CRUSH the others I almost fainted because of the lack of air... so I had to go away. I was crying then for a few good minutes... but I don't regret - Dir en grey is Dir en grey.
and now I'm trying to not cry and I'm praying to God. please dear God, I beg you... let me live like that forever. let Kyo sing. let his voice make more miracles... I can't imagine my life without this music. there's no life for me without it. I need this energy to live. thanks to them I know that there's nothing impossible in my life. with Dir en grey I can achieve everything. God, don't make this passion disappear! I won't be able to live if Kyo stops to sing. NOTHING will be the same anymore.
Happiness and sadness lies too close....
いつも、いつも。。。
いつかDir en greyさんと会いたい。。。これを言いたい。。。
Dir en greyの音楽は心のために薬用に。。。いつも。やめないでください。。。
京さま！！！お大事に！！！！！！！！！！！！
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